Saturday, July 7, 2012

What A Difference A Year Makes....

July. It's finally July!

I'm so glad to be another month into this deployment, but this month is particularly bittersweet. This time last year I was one week away from Homecoming. I was going crazy getting last minute projects finished, painting signs, cleaning the house, taking care of yard work, etc. This year... Well, I can't say how long until he comes home but let's just say it's going to be a long time yet. There's no real excitement this month besides knowing we're (slowly) getting closer to that special day.

I've been feeling pretty rotten lately, though. A lot (though not all) of my fellow milspouse peoples are taking this deployment pretty badly. It can be rough, we all know that. The thing is though, this deployment is actually a million times easier than last year.

Last year I spent a good amount of time crying and feeling sorry for myself. I missed Huzzy constantly, in that it-hurts-to-even-think-of-you kind of a way. But for some reason this year I'm totally fine.

I feel like a jerk saying it. I'm fine. I'M FINE. I mean, I miss Huzzy. I do. I send him care packages and letters, I email him constantly. He's always there in the back of my mind. Somehow it just doesn't feel like it's that big of a deal.

Maybe it's because we just went through this. Maybe I'm getting better at compartmentalizing my feelings. Maybe it's just because I'm keeping so damn busy between our daughter, the puppy, the house and now school. Oh, and this blog I feel like I've been slowly abandoning as my free time evaporates.

Still, I feel like a jerk because on a day to day basis I'm not really that upset. I'm carrying on with life like everything is fine and dandy. I'd love if he were here, but he's not.

I suppose that this is a good thing. They say that kids take their cue from the parent left behind in how to deal with deployments. If you're good, they're good. And Baby Girl is definitely handling it well so that's a plus. I just can't help but feel like Huzzy would be upset to see that I'm not fall down devastated over his being gone.

I find myself actually becoming more concerned about what life will be like when he is back home again. Honestly, that will test our relationship more than anything. We have never spent more than 4 months together without getting separated thanks to the Navy. At first it was me being stationed away from him. Now it's him deploying and leaving me behind. What will life be like for us when we actually have to put up with each other all the time?

Someone may not make it out of this relationship alive.

When he gets back we're looking at 4 years of him being home. All the damn time. That should be an interesting adjustment. And not just for us, but for Baby Girl as well. He has been gone so often in her short life that it's just the norm for her. I'm sure she will adapt well though.

So many other milspouses worry about how they will get through deployments intact. I must be the only one that worries if shore duty will do us in!

In more cheerful news, Baby Girl turned 2 on the 5th. We had a great party with her cousins and Huzzy's family, and she's already showing that she understands the true meaning of the "terrible 2's". Lucky me!

Elmo theme.... Are you really surprised?

We also had incredible luck for her birthday. Huzzy actually managed to webcam with us and be there for her party. He got to sing happy birthday to her, watch her blow out her candles and feel like he was a part of it all. It is nothing short of miraculous to me that from thousands of miles away he was still able to be there for her on her special day. I planned the party day over a month in advance, and we had no way of knowing when he was going to be in port or able to get on a computer. Someone up there is definitely watching out for us.

Thank you.

Stretching with a bat...She wanted to play softball with the big kids!

1 comment:

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