Saturday, February 18, 2012

Dear Postal Service

Dear Postal Service,

Let me start by saying thank you. I really do appreciate you bringing me the massive pile of mail I receive every month. I wish you could bring a few less bill, but it's cool I know that isn't in your control. I hope you don't mind the ridiculous number of magazine subscriptions we have here. On the bright side, I'm just helping you keep fit and strong. See? Bright side. I know you probably get annoyed with all the random samples and coupons as well, and I love that you still deliver them to me instead of just setting them all on fire in front of my house. You rock.

And I REALLY appreciate you putting up with all the stuff I mail when Huzzy goes on deployment. I know last year was rough, I expected quite a bit from you and you performed admirably. He got every single package and letter I gave you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Those meant the world to him (and me).

I do have one teeny tiny problem that needs to be addressed. You see, I don't actually work for you. I have never received a paycheck from you, and I do not see that changing any time soon. That said, I'm a little at a loss here as to why you continue to bring me mail from all over my neighborhood. Perhaps you just trust me to deliver it on your behalf. I do appreciate the thought, but I promise I have better things to do. I have a 19-month-old at home that simply refuses to dress/feed/take care of herself. I'm working on it, but it's slow going. Until she is able to manage I'm forced to take the position of mommy and guardian unless I want someone to call CPS on me. I'm hoping to avoid that for at least another 6 months.

Maybe you just want me to get out and be more sociable with my neighbors. I accept that I'm not exactly on the welcoming committee here, and I barely know some people by sight let alone name. Thanks to you I have been able to get to know perfect strangers from blocks away that I've been able to avoid until now. I don't even have to spend hours getting to know them because they already know how reliable I am. After all, I don't keep their mail and packages, I dutifully deliver it to them the same day I receive it. I'm awesome, I know.

If it were simply a couple letters here and there I think I would be less concerned. However, today I had to deliver a rather expensive order from to a neighbor that lives 4 blocks away. I'm not really sure how you messed that one up to be honest. She was very happy to get her package safe and sound. Last year (that sounds like a long time ago but remember it's only February) I had to deliver a package of pills to an elderly neighbor two streets over. No, I didn't open it. The crappy plastic white envelope and suspicious noise within kind of gave it away. The woman was extremely happy to get her medicine and told me that she only had one more day's worth of pills. I guess she's just lucky I'm not some crazy pill-popping lunatic.

In conclusion, I do thank you for this great level of trust you've bestowed on me, but unless you are planning on mailing me a paycheck I would rather you delivered the mail correctly.


Your overworked customer

PS - I'm totally willing to bribe you with cookies and other assorted baked goods if you would at least stop giving me other people's medications. <3


  1. same problem here. best part? the tracking numbers. they scan that they dropped it off at the CORRECT address when in fact they left it for me when it was not mine at all. and how do the people fight the companies and tell them they never got their package when the company can just fight back that they did? especially ebay. they are the worst for it. i had my neighbor 8 houses down order a huge box of magic cards. it had a tracking number on it. just for fun, i typed it into usps and tracked it. yup, says it was delivered to the correct address. but it was delivered to me! now if i didn't take that down to them in the snow with my 2 year old at the time that poor 9 year old kid wouldn't have his cards i'm sure he was waiting forever on (since it took about a week to get here yet ebay sellers love to sit on them for about a week before mailing them) and his parents wouldn't be able to get their money back either because a dispute with paypal if the seller refused would just come back at them as "well this says you got it. you're a liar." i've seen lots of feedback like that as well. one says they never got it, one says here's the number... just for all to see. that means nothing to me and hasn't for years now. they don't scan and deliver it to the right houses and it irks me soo bad.

    1. It drives me nuts. I order a lot online. Waaaaaaaay more than I care to admit. I've been super lucky that everything has made it here, but for some reason my house is the drop off point for everyone else's mail as well! I'm always scared one of my packages is going to go to someone less honest than myself. If USPS says they delivered it than what are we supposed to do? >_<

    2. fedex claimed they delivered my package (huge one) full of christmas gifts last year for dante. i watched the tracking every single day and when it said delivered at front door on the site i freaked out. it was all his gifts! i called them right away and told them i needed to talk to someone that had contact with the driver. we went in circles for a half hour then they said they would call me back. never got a call back! next day i not only went to their site and used contact us so even more people would know, but i called them again. again i got the "we will call you right back." obviously they either left it on the truck and just SAID they delivered it or they gave it to the wrong house. i got a call 5 hours later that it wasn't on the truck and am i SURE it's not at my front door. I told her i have TWO front doors. one is blocked by two CARS and there is no room to put a box unless they were lazy and left it at the end of the driveway on the SIDEWALK and the other is a foyer, and there is NO BOX! they were trying to tell me that because it said it was delivered it's my problem! somehow, 10 at night i hear a bang. i look out the window and don't see anything. i opened the door and there was his box from toys r us. i guess someone either had a change of heart and decided to give a kid a christmas or they just didn't feel like delivering someone else's mail that heavy. i never saw who it was and they never knocked.

    3. Wow, that's crazy! I really can't understand how they can't be held accountable as long as their system says "delivered". I'm amazed at how many expensive things can go through the mail without requiring a signature. Companies are cheap I guess. I'm glad Dante got his presents!!

  2. I started randomly getting mail for some guy with the same last name as me. Don't know the guy, and I don't think I have any relatives with that name. Never mind all of my relations with that last name live in Michigan. So I write on the envelope "RETURN TO SENDER" about ten times and it still happens. Finally I get frustrated and write "I DON'T KNOW THIS GUY STOP SENDING ME HIS CRAP" and so the lovely USPS at that point decided that *I* no longer lived at this address, and subsequently borked up MY mail for about a month (not counting the 3 weeks it took me to figure it out). I got it fixed and now I get my mail, but I've resumed getting mail for "Lawrence" also. Now I just throw it out.

    1. Yeah, I'm tried the "RETURN TO SENDER" on mail for people who lived here 6+ years ago and still get junk here. It never works, so I just toss it. I can't believe they cut off YOUR mail after you complained! What a bunch of jerks!